KADINYA

Shuma kurara ndani

2007-10-29T14:21:00.000+03:00

Yaani hata sijui nianze aje. Niko na stress kiasi na niko na hali ya upweke ndani yangu jo. Sasa jana jamaa beste yangu alinishow ati anipeleke place fulani tukunywe mbili tatu then tuendelee mbele place ingine ati stress nitatoa. Sasa si hata angeniambia vizuri what to expect lakini sasa place yenyewe sikutarajia ikuwe vile ilikuwa.

Kwanza tupitie ka bar hapa kando tujiweke gauge ya courage, ndivyo alinishow. Mi nikafuata nyuki niki-expect kula asali. Lakini usibebe simu wala wallet, beba tu pesa kidogo nikupeleke ukule raha. Na mimi kwa kumuamini nikafuatana nayeye tukaingia baesa tukapewa tot tukajiweka ati ndio gauge ya faster. Kidogo akaitisha ma bia tukajimwagilia then akasema niko sawa tuendelee anipeleke place ya njuang'a ati coz anajua mimi nilikuwa kadinya na ni kama alikuwa worried nimepoteza talent.

Hapo zile ma pombe tumekunywa zikaanza ku dictate actions na kaa fala nikajikuta naenda tu nayeye mpaka kibaesa kingine design ya ile hapo Moi Avenue inaitwa SJ. Kando ya Munyiris Fish and Chips. Kila boy anajua hiyo place, mtu asijifanye hajui, si jina ingine ni Karumaindo. Na karuma indo si ni something akin to kuuma vitu ama kutafuna vitu so unajua sio pombe tu inapeleka wadhii huko. Anyway, hii place nilienda haina jina lakini iko na mabouncer wakubwa kaa ninii. After kuingia kuna ma pool table kiasi alafu kumejaa mapoko wanazunguka ovyo ovyo. Yaani SJ haifikii hii place, huku kulikuwa kufyam.

Lakini sasa juu ya kuwa passenger wa hii train inasemwaga ati BT maze mi nikachanganyikiwa. Kulikuwa na wafupi, warefu, wakondu, wanono na yaani all sizes (manyake). By now jamaa wangu ananichekelea vibaya tu sana. Anachukua keroro another alafu anatulia na poko mmoja anamfuata. Wanabonga kiasi na naona akitumia lip ya chini kuni point. Si ile madem wanapenda kutumia badala tu ya kunyosha kidole. Si nikahepa coz hata sikuwa na mahanjam. Sasa ile side nilienda nikakuta wengine wametulia kwa bench. Mmoja mpoa na mwingine sura ya mbuzi. Nikatime ati yule mpoa akinicheki nimuite, sasa vile alicheki waliniona pamoja na kuita akakuja yule kibonge. Karibu nihepe lakini nikasema haidhuru.

Rao moja ni ngapi? Nikamuuliza, akasema bei yake nikamshow anipunguzie za fare na juu pia nilikuwa na ndomco zangu kwa mbosho. Hapo roho inataka kutokea kwa chest vile imedunda. Huyo poko aka lead the way hadi huko upstairs na mimi nyuma kaa fala. Tukajipoxi ndani ya keja moja ilikuwa empty na by the time naingia alikuwa ashatoa makladi na akaleta mikono ati malipo kwanza (ripa kabra ya kura) na hata bado sijanyonji hapo. Juu sikutaka story mob nikamgei alafu nikaanza kucheki checki keja lakini she was taking none of that. "Wee fanya faster niko job." Yaani hii time yote njuang'a imekataa kusimama na vile aliishika ndio nyundo ikaruka kidogo lakini sio kawaida.

Tuseme from ile time niliingia hiyo keja na ile time nilitoka dakika tano hazikuisha. Aliniharakisha akisema itabidi niongeze doo kama simalizi faster and the cow refused, kutoa maziwa. Akanirusha kando na kudunga kladi zake na chapa zangu ashaweka mbosho akaniambia nicheki door. Yaani sikuamini, bado siamini.

Lakini nikiwa natoka hiyo place, looking for my friend coz nilikuwa nimejam nayeye sana, some thoughts zilinikujia kwa akili nikaona ni kama ni kiboko nilikuwa nikichapwa na Sir Godi akaniweka situation ile ndio niweze kujua vile madem hufeel wakifutwa. Kwanza bado BT yenyewe ni kama sikushuka, in fact sikushuka na ni poa niendelee kuidandia kuliko kulipia senye.
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Lakini hata hivyo, the jamaa later akaleta siasa ati nimeisha meno na sasa nataka kumuonyesha meno bado iko na mifupa nitavunja. Sasa my male ego was bruised twice in one day. Najua ni vibaya lakini jamaa amenichokoza and I have no choice but to prove to him that I still got my game. And who better to prove it with than the girl he is chasing? Hapo nimeamua ku invest time na kila kitu. Nyama atakula, mutura na thambutha ya firi firi na shuma razima ilale ndani.

Bilas

2007-07-30T15:52:00.000+03:00

Of course no nii ngumenya uria ndirauga haaha niundu ndiui muno kuandika na Gikuyu. No atiriri, ndi na kaproject na muiritu ungi wa naguku muhuro. Anga ndahota guthambia njuguma very soon. Ona ni kugeria ngeretie gweikaria mieri hakuhi mugwanja itari ndaina ndombolo ya solo oo kana erea eetagwo puru table ya uriri. Riu problem yakwa ni riiri, ninguhota gwika wira wa fata? Kana ninguitukwa wira utakinyiti ona nuthu, kana nginyie thaa thita cia utuko njongee biu ngore ningomire nginya riua riakia? Na riu nguhuthira mubira size ereko riu tundu ni ndiganeirwo na maundu maya ma andu agima. No ona nii ndi mundu mugima riu. Miaka hakuhii mirongo ithatu, na ta imagini ndiri na kaana ka ma, tiga karia njigereirwo ni fameree ya gara eyo irari yakwa tene kou mucii. No maundu ma mwana ninguichiria mathaa mangi baadae ndoona ndacooka borori witu murathime wa Kenya, Mwathani agocwo.

Enewe, gaka kahiki ngagakung'uta haaro ya andu agima, bara nene muno erea eetagwo bara ya come and see, oo kana na Gikuyu - ukaai muone. Thutha wa muthako uciu, ndimuere, out ni nja, yaani aume aumagariti na ndakandihiri stress. Tugakorwo tuiganitie wega na mundu umwe akaningira uria ungi muthako wa magegania atangiriganirwo haraka. Nguiciria ni kuruara ndiraruara riu. Ni kaba kuinuka itanaitukwo ngiandikaga ruganu ruuru.

Skank Vs. Drunk

2007-05-22T12:05:00.000+03:00

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Once upon a time, in the land of the wise men, then called Wiseville, there lived a very wise King whose name was Virecheche. During those days, where some things had to happen under consent of the King, there emerged a debate where some of the citizens were scandalizing beer drinking while others were scandalising weed smoking. The King could not take sides and so he decided within wisdom, of course, to find out which one of the two should be out lawed based on behaviour after indulgence.

He ordered his soldiers to get him some twenty people (citizens) who would confirm for him the pros and cons of beer and weed. He ordered two separate rooms to be set asside and divided the twenty into two groups of ten. In one room he gave the ten people enough weed and the light while in the other room he provided enough beer and asssorted pints. He wanted to be called after a few hours to witness for himself what effects the intoxicants had on his people.

At noon he went to check out on his experiment and decided to start with the drinking guinea pigs. Immediately he opened the door he was greeted with insults and incoherent vibe from the already too-intoxicated-to-care drunkards. He decided that nothing of what they were shouting made any sense to him so he decided to check out on the other lot before he could make any decisions.

When he neared the room, he was greeted with too much silence and he carefully opened the door wondering what surprise awaited for him in the silent room of ten people. He pushed the door and stood aside, then gathered courage and peeped while on a crouching position, just in case anything was thrown aimed at his face. His revelation surprised him. The ten guys were all present and the weed was gone, finished, consumed, smoked, used. Immediately they saw the King they started praising him saying how good he was as a leader. They were not shouting and neither did they appear to be in a hurry to say what it was they were saying. The King's lips curved into a smile as he trotted away back to the throne.

Immediately he called all his aides and told them to ban alcohol in his Kingdom. Weed was the way to go. Weed was legalised and projects started to start large scale farming of this cooling-effect crop. Many years later after the King's death is when the ban on beer was lifted but skanking was still legal. The citizens skanked happily ever after.

DELIVERANCE

2007-04-16T17:38:00.000+03:00

Excuse me Mr. Editor but let me defile your paper with poetic grease
These will be the thoughts to remember coz i have a plan to decease
They say heaven is not promised to sinners so I'll raise my own hell
For death awaits me in the dark corners where my enemies dwell
In the still of the night, stars shine, guns crack and souls die
Some sleep with smiles and some fear to close their eyes
Wet dust gathers in the brains of our next generation
They inhale deceitful knowledge while all they need is the herb for thorough education
Wisdom is a curse to fools who read a few lines and claim to know
Honesty is free, shame the devil and tell the truth, it won't kill 2say u dont know
In my lifetime my soul never slept cos darkness shades my stance
Sometimes I hold on sometimes I succumb to the trappings of depression
I smoke weed for escapism no more about chasing a thrilling sensation
No one can save me now
My gurdian angel overdosed on grief and commited suicide
The confusion inside and the cancerous blood running in my veins makes my soul divide
Excuse me Mr. Editor if my poetic grease becomes an eternal stain on ur pages
I say that when a prophet loses his wings a society loses its eyes

Numb Head

2007-04-14T20:41:00.000+03:00

Sometimes my head goes numb!
sometimes my head goes numb!
For staring too long at the phone
Hoping you would call
Or even still just text
But all I get is silence;
Yes Silence.
sometimes my head goes numb!
when I refresh my inbox a 1000 times
Hoping to find mail from you
But all I get is an empty inbox;
"0 unread mails".
sometimes my head goes numb!
When I pass by your place
hoping to catch a glimpse of you
Hoping you might atleast say something
But all I see are closed curtains;
windows tightly shut.
sometimes my head goes numb!
when instead of listening to you
I stare deep into your dark eyes
Hoping you would see my longing
But all I see is my own reflection;
reflected back.
But the more I try to move on,
the more I try to let go
The more I realize
that my head has grown numb;
Completely numb!
cause am in Love with you!

Words in My Head

2007-04-01T23:13:00.000+03:00

Funny how life changes
When we met we were strangers
Then we became lovers
We made many promises
But one was never kept
Because we are far apart
Words are in my head
But cannot come out of my mouth
This is the only way I know how
How to say what is in my head
I know we both do not hate each one another
Because we used to date each other
I appreciate every moment we shared
Coz nothing we did was bad
I never told you some few things
Things that would make us
And not break us
Yes – I thought about family too
Yes – I thought about us growing together too
But it was all in my head
And this is the only way I know how
How to say what is in my head
As much as you think I made you
The truth is that You made me
I knew nothing about courtship
Until you invited me to your life
Although we never made it to the altar
The thought of me taking you down the aisle
Will always be embedded in my head
I had thought that someday things would be back to normal
That was just a thought
Because I know normal does not exist in this world
I had thought that someday you would be the mother to my kids
That was also just a thought
Because I am somebody else's father
And you are the mother to somebody else's child
Call me stupid I do not care
These words are all in my head
And this is the only way I know how
How to say what is in my head
It is through this white page with black inscriptions on it
You will always be the love of my life.

Relationship Ownership

2007-01-05T14:05:00.000+03:00

Happy New Year Everybody. Hope you are all enjoying the new year so far. Mine is full of weird thoughts and I am thinking of killing these idle moments and the resulting crazy opinions about this monster we call relationship. I am lucky to be one of the (dare I say few) guys who got a girlfriend and a steady one at that though I sometimes derail to sample other guys' women. It is all a circle. Of late I've been doing a lot of thinking on relationship, mine to be precise. The question that keeps coming to my mind is, can someone own a relationship? I don't believe that mine is a mutual understanding though it looks like one. When I do something that looks out of norm I get a mouthful of why I shouldn't have done this and that. If I don't call everynight I'm punished for it when we meet. She is the one who decides when to give head, when to get laid, when to go for a date, basically everything and no, she doesn't want me to move on. Does that mean that this is 'her' relationship and she can do anything that she pleases at my expense? I wonder if it is possible to change ownership of this relationship. Thank God we are not married. Everyone else looks at us and say how good we look as a couple. She acts good in public, she's the loving girlfriend, gives me all the attention (possesiveness) and all that. Now she's even talking marriage and I don't know how to get out of the trap. I am trying to figure out who needs who the most here. In case of argument, I always seem to be the one on the wrong and apologise for her mistakes.New Year resolution is to change ownership of this relationship. I'm ready to fall back in the singles category and start making excuses like this because I think she's faking this relationship by being there coz she thinks I can't be with anyone else. It is better to exit early rather than wait for her to throw me out, giving me the famous, "it's not you, it's me" line. Looking forward to owning a relationship of my own this year or better still, co-owning a relationship. Enough said.

MUINUKO

2006-10-23T15:00:00.000+03:00

Mungu ni wa maajabu. The way he created man and living things in general is a wonder but man’s creation takes the cake, especially where matters of sex is concerned. The position of sexual organs and their behaviour.
To single out man, (different from woman), the sex organ Mr. Dick is an important ego booster but it sometimes can be a big embarrassment. Picture this, I am seated behind my new desk (but do I say), with only my upper body visible to anyone else in the office. Today is my first day at work in a new company. I have already gone thru all there is in terms of orientation and since at this particular time it is not very busy, I am already playing FreeCell, but my mind has wandered. I’m reminiscing on the good times I had with my ex, whom I still adore by the way, and my manhood Mr. Dick gets excited from the sweet memories. So I become so engrossed in my memoirs and he is busy trying to burst the boundaries when I notice the boss gesticulating in my direction (I had ceased playing FreeCell and was just staring towards her office). Kumbe she wants me to go to her, which involves standing up and moving the few paces to where she is; now standing. Of course I should have told her to come over to where I was (just kidding) but I didn’t coz she’s the boss. Meanwhile, Mr. Dick refuses to go back to sleep. This is neither a good time nor place for me to force the juice out of him to make him sleep. The boss is getting impatient, I am the new guy and I’m taking my time to stand up (I wish angejua). Now she adds some sound to her gestures and calls out loud for me to move over to where she was. I could have sworn she knew what was up (and refusing to go back down), otherwise why was she not having eye contact with me?Anyway, I get on my feet, my feet are standing up straight lakini nimechora saba to try to conceal the now annoyingly protruding Mr. Dick. Made the catch phrase kudunga hema make more sense. The co-workers are staring at me, what with that posture, bending up double like an old man! The boss turns to a concerned mood and asks what the matter could be which I blurt without much of a thought, “constipation,” as if it is less embarrassing but si you know what a drowning man will clutch at? I can hear some giggling now. The colleagues who are having a side view can tell clearly that it is not constipation. I’m wishing, oh how the earth could just open up and swallow me! The boss seems to have been there before, the constipation thing, so she says, “ok. rush to the john and make sure u see me first thing 2morrow morning.” Isn’t that embarrassing even more? There are some more giggles as I head towards the john. Mr. Dick is dozing but still awake, that half mast kind of thing. I’m thinking whether I can do without the job. How can be Day 1 be this bad? I know for sure I now have a nickname. I’m not dying to find out what it is though.

Mnyambuliko wa FUCK

2006-10-21T00:20:00.000+03:00

Wikipedia has some interesting facts on the use of language. call me vulgar but i especially liked this one.

Fuck is an English word which, when used literally as a verb, means "to engage in sexual intercourse". Some evidence indicates that in some English-speaking locales it was considered acceptable as late as the 17th century meaning "to strike" or "to penetrate"
Other evidence indicates that during ancient times in England, people were not allowed to have sex withourt permission from the king. If a couple needed to have sex they went to the king and acquired some sort of permit or licence. Because this was hard to acquire, couples who were lucky didn't welcome interruptions so they usually hung a banner on the front door reading, "Fornication Under Consent of King." This was too long a notice and they abbreviated it to F.U.C.K and that is how the word was born.

In contemporary usage, the versatility of the word is such that it can be used as a verb (to fuck), noun (a fuck), adverb (this car won't fucking drive), participle (where are my fucking keys?), interjection (where the fuck did this come from?), or an exclamation (Fuck!). Fuck is also one of the few words in English commonly used as an infix, as in absofuckinglutely and infuckingcredible, along with several other expletive infixes.

© Wikipedia 2006.

kurarera

2006-10-18T21:54:00.000+03:00

i can't imagine that today i'm going to sleep on empty. the day was just jinxed since morning. i wake up kawaida and there are no edibles in the fridge. and that is just the start of the day, so i have breaksfast at a restaurant. i go on my kawaida shuglis and by lunch time i still haven't made enough dough for a decent lunch so i decide to fast like my fellow muslim brothers. but atleast i have had some breakfast so the hunger is not too much. anyway i decide to still save the money i am supposed to spend for supper by timing past 6.pm for the muslim housemates to break their fast and i plan to be there to feast with them. i have already said my prayers and fasted, or so i'm going to tell them. but it is not to be. i'm derailed on my way back and the feast is had without my prescence. so it means that i'll just have to spend on supper anyway. but there is only one problem. my day was not fully blessed so i got peanuts, (as TSC teachers) would put it, and the lady who derailed me also de-cashed me. now that means that i have to really budget if i'm to have supper and some cash left for one for the road. i decide to start with a one for the road then head to the neighbourhood shop to get my kawaida eggs and tomatoes for some ommelette. the shopkeeper is happy to have me as his last customer and i get my four eggs and tomatoes and off i go. i fika digs and straight to the kitchen i put on the frying pan and the oil and chop tomatoes in it. i prepare sembe while tomato is cooking and within 5minutes it's off the pot. now the last of my tasks is to break the eggs into the still cooking tomatoes. i pick the eggs and hit with the blunt side of the knife to break. i hit once and it just cracks, i turn it and hit harder but it just cracks a lil' bit again. i'm wondering, now wtf is wrong with these eggs? i pick another one and repeat the procedure with the same results. i'm getting worked up now so i start poking at the cracks with the knife hoping to make a large enuf opening to spill the contents into the pan. i poke and start removing the shell slowly all this while wondering what could be the matter, am i drunk already? only a glass of the concoction. but alas! kumbe the dude at the shop sold me boiro. i run back to the shop but of course he's closed. there are no other shops open. my tomatoes are still cooking. i get back and there is nothing in the pan just some black inedible residue. so i sit down and enjoy my ugs and boiro with half a glass of water. can the day get any worse? needless to say, the meal is not friendly with my one for the road cocktail. i hope the dessert, eno, will help ease any discomfort as i go to sleep. mungu atasaidia.

Forced Acronyms

2006-10-15T01:53:00.000+03:00

I came across these article in a gutter press about Different Countries & Their Romantic Meanings" These are really cool meanings !!!!! or so it said.

"H.O.L.L.A.N.D" Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
" I.T.A.L.Y." I Trust And Love You.
"L.I.B.Y.A." Love Is Beautiful;
"F.R.A.N.C.E." Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
"C.H.I.N.A." Come Here, I Need Affection.
"B.U.R.M.A." Between Us, Remember Me Always.
"N.E.P.A.L." Never Ever Part As Lovers.
" I.N.D.I.A." I Nearly Died In Adoration.
"K.E.N.Y.A" Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing. "C.A.N.A.D.A." Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction "K.O.R.E.A." Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity. "E.G.Y.P.T." Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
"M.A.N.I.L.A." May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

I read another one in a separate print about the B.I.B.L.E. Apparently it was written by a Mungiki follower. Mungiki believe that the BIBLE is an acronym for British Intelligent Book of Law and Entertainment. And looking at it, don't you think they might just have a point? I don't know what to think. It was a form of weapon to fight colonies in and out of Africa and it worked better than guns, better than the British had imagined it would. Religion, opium of the masses.

KBW

2006-10-11T06:24:00.001+03:00

Thank you for allowing me to post my listings on your site

Finally

2006-10-11T05:50:00.001+03:00

Finally I have got a blog for myself after ages of reading about blogs. Thanx to blogger I now have my own page where I can post and let go off my chest the skeletons that I have in my closet. This option is ok for me coz there are not enough good friends out there who you can confide and keeping diaries in the house is dangerous coz they always land in the hands of the wrong peole. I hope I'll enjoy the bloggin experience.