Shuma kurara ndani

Yaani hata sijui nianze aje. Niko na stress kiasi na niko na hali ya upweke ndani yangu jo. Sasa jana jamaa beste yangu alinishow ati anipeleke place fulani tukunywe mbili tatu then tuendelee mbele place ingine ati stress nitatoa. Sasa si hata angeniambia vizuri what to expect lakini sasa place yenyewe sikutarajia ikuwe vile ilikuwa.

Kwanza tupitie ka bar hapa kando tujiweke gauge ya courage, ndivyo alinishow. Mi nikafuata nyuki niki-expect kula asali. Lakini usibebe simu wala wallet, beba tu pesa kidogo nikupeleke ukule raha. Na mimi kwa kumuamini nikafuatana nayeye tukaingia baesa tukapewa tot tukajiweka ati ndio gauge ya faster. Kidogo akaitisha ma bia tukajimwagilia then akasema niko sawa tuendelee anipeleke place ya njuang'a ati coz anajua mimi nilikuwa kadinya na ni kama alikuwa worried nimepoteza talent.

Hapo zile ma pombe tumekunywa zikaanza ku dictate actions na kaa fala nikajikuta naenda tu nayeye mpaka kibaesa kingine design ya ile hapo Moi Avenue inaitwa SJ. Kando ya Munyiris Fish and Chips. Kila boy anajua hiyo place, mtu asijifanye hajui, si jina ingine ni Karumaindo. Na karuma indo si ni something akin to kuuma vitu ama kutafuna vitu so unajua sio pombe tu inapeleka wadhii huko. Anyway, hii place nilienda haina jina lakini iko na mabouncer wakubwa kaa ninii. After kuingia kuna ma pool table kiasi alafu kumejaa mapoko wanazunguka ovyo ovyo. Yaani SJ haifikii hii place, huku kulikuwa kufyam.

Lakini sasa juu ya kuwa passenger wa hii train inasemwaga ati BT maze mi nikachanganyikiwa. Kulikuwa na wafupi, warefu, wakondu, wanono na yaani all sizes (manyake). By now jamaa wangu ananichekelea vibaya tu sana. Anachukua keroro another alafu anatulia na poko mmoja anamfuata. Wanabonga kiasi na naona akitumia lip ya chini kuni point. Si ile madem wanapenda kutumia badala tu ya kunyosha kidole. Si nikahepa coz hata sikuwa na mahanjam. Sasa ile side nilienda nikakuta wengine wametulia kwa bench. Mmoja mpoa na mwingine sura ya mbuzi. Nikatime ati yule mpoa akinicheki nimuite, sasa vile alicheki waliniona pamoja na kuita akakuja yule kibonge. Karibu nihepe lakini nikasema haidhuru.

Rao moja ni ngapi? Nikamuuliza, akasema bei yake nikamshow anipunguzie za fare na juu pia nilikuwa na ndomco zangu kwa mbosho. Hapo roho inataka kutokea kwa chest vile imedunda. Huyo poko aka lead the way hadi huko upstairs na mimi nyuma kaa fala. Tukajipoxi ndani ya keja moja ilikuwa empty na by the time naingia alikuwa ashatoa makladi na akaleta mikono ati malipo kwanza (ripa kabra ya kura) na hata bado sijanyonji hapo. Juu sikutaka story mob nikamgei alafu nikaanza kucheki checki keja lakini she was taking none of that. "Wee fanya faster niko job." Yaani hii time yote njuang'a imekataa kusimama na vile aliishika ndio nyundo ikaruka kidogo lakini sio kawaida.

Tuseme from ile time niliingia hiyo keja na ile time nilitoka dakika tano hazikuisha. Aliniharakisha akisema itabidi niongeze doo kama simalizi faster and the cow refused, kutoa maziwa. Akanirusha kando na kudunga kladi zake na chapa zangu ashaweka mbosho akaniambia nicheki door. Yaani sikuamini, bado siamini.

Lakini nikiwa natoka hiyo place, looking for my friend coz nilikuwa nimejam nayeye sana, some thoughts zilinikujia kwa akili nikaona ni kama ni kiboko nilikuwa nikichapwa na Sir Godi akaniweka situation ile ndio niweze kujua vile madem hufeel wakifutwa. Kwanza bado BT yenyewe ni kama sikushuka, in fact sikushuka na ni poa niendelee kuidandia kuliko kulipia senye.
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Lakini hata hivyo, the jamaa later akaleta siasa ati nimeisha meno na sasa nataka kumuonyesha meno bado iko na mifupa nitavunja. Sasa my male ego was bruised twice in one day. Najua ni vibaya lakini jamaa amenichokoza and I have no choice but to prove to him that I still got my game. And who better to prove it with than the girl he is chasing? Hapo nimeamua ku invest time na kila kitu. Nyama atakula, mutura na thambutha ya firi firi na shuma razima ilale ndani.

Bilas

Of course no nii ngumenya uria ndirauga haaha niundu ndiui muno kuandika na Gikuyu. No atiriri, ndi na kaproject na muiritu ungi wa naguku muhuro. Anga ndahota guthambia njuguma very soon. Ona ni kugeria ngeretie gweikaria mieri hakuhi mugwanja itari ndaina ndombolo ya solo oo kana erea eetagwo puru table ya uriri. Riu problem yakwa ni riiri, ninguhota gwika wira wa fata? Kana ninguitukwa wira utakinyiti ona nuthu, kana nginyie thaa thita cia utuko njongee biu ngore ningomire nginya riua riakia? Na riu nguhuthira mubira size ereko riu tundu ni ndiganeirwo na maundu maya ma andu agima. No ona nii ndi mundu mugima riu. Miaka hakuhii mirongo ithatu, na ta imagini ndiri na kaana ka ma, tiga karia njigereirwo ni fameree ya gara eyo irari yakwa tene kou mucii. No maundu ma mwana ninguichiria mathaa mangi baadae ndoona ndacooka borori witu murathime wa Kenya, Mwathani agocwo.

Enewe, gaka kahiki ngagakung'uta haaro ya andu agima, bara nene muno erea eetagwo bara ya come and see, oo kana na Gikuyu - ukaai muone. Thutha wa muthako uciu, ndimuere, out ni nja, yaani aume aumagariti na ndakandihiri stress. Tugakorwo tuiganitie wega na mundu umwe akaningira uria ungi muthako wa magegania atangiriganirwo haraka. Nguiciria ni kuruara ndiraruara riu. Ni kaba kuinuka itanaitukwo ngiandikaga ruganu ruuru.

Skank Vs. Drunk

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Once upon a time, in the land of the wise men, then called Wiseville, there lived a very wise King whose name was Virecheche. During those days, where some things had to happen under consent of the King, there emerged a debate where some of the citizens were scandalizing beer drinking while others were scandalising weed smoking. The King could not take sides and so he decided within wisdom, of course, to find out which one of the two should be out lawed based on behaviour after indulgence.

He ordered his soldiers to get him some twenty people (citizens) who would confirm for him the pros and cons of beer and weed. He ordered two separate rooms to be set asside and divided the twenty into two groups of ten. In one room he gave the ten people enough weed and the light while in the other room he provided enough beer and asssorted pints. He wanted to be called after a few hours to witness for himself what effects the intoxicants had on his people.

At noon he went to check out on his experiment and decided to start with the drinking guinea pigs. Immediately he opened the door he was greeted with insults and incoherent vibe from the already too-intoxicated-to-care drunkards. He decided that nothing of what they were shouting made any sense to him so he decided to check out on the other lot before he could make any decisions.

When he neared the room, he was greeted with too much silence and he carefully opened the door wondering what surprise awaited for him in the silent room of ten people. He pushed the door and stood aside, then gathered courage and peeped while on a crouching position, just in case anything was thrown aimed at his face. His revelation surprised him. The ten guys were all present and the weed was gone, finished, consumed, smoked, used. Immediately they saw the King they started praising him saying how good he was as a leader. They were not shouting and neither did they appear to be in a hurry to say what it was they were saying. The King's lips curved into a smile as he trotted away back to the throne.

Immediately he called all his aides and told them to ban alcohol in his Kingdom. Weed was the way to go. Weed was legalised and projects started to start large scale farming of this cooling-effect crop. Many years later after the King's death is when the ban on beer was lifted but skanking was still legal. The citizens skanked happily ever after.

DELIVERANCE

Excuse me Mr. Editor but let me defile your paper with poetic grease
These will be the thoughts to remember coz i have a plan to decease
They say heaven is not promised to sinners so I'll raise my own hell
For death awaits me in the dark corners where my enemies dwell
In the still of the night, stars shine, guns crack and souls die
Some sleep with smiles and some fear to close their eyes
Wet dust gathers in the brains of our next generation
They inhale deceitful knowledge while all they need is the herb for thorough education
Wisdom is a curse to fools who read a few lines and claim to know
Honesty is free, shame the devil and tell the truth, it won't kill 2say u dont know
In my lifetime my soul never slept cos darkness shades my stance
Sometimes I hold on sometimes I succumb to the trappings of depression
I smoke weed for escapism no more about chasing a thrilling sensation
No one can save me now
My gurdian angel overdosed on grief and commited suicide
The confusion inside and the cancerous blood running in my veins makes my soul divide
Excuse me Mr. Editor if my poetic grease becomes an eternal stain on ur pages
I say that when a prophet loses his wings a society loses its eyes

Numb Head

Sometimes my head goes numb!
sometimes my head goes numb!
For staring too long at the phone
Hoping you would call
Or even still just text
But all I get is silence;
Yes Silence.
sometimes my head goes numb!
when I refresh my inbox a 1000 times
Hoping to find mail from you
But all I get is an empty inbox;
"0 unread mails".
sometimes my head goes numb!
When I pass by your place
hoping to catch a glimpse of you
Hoping you might atleast say something
But all I see are closed curtains;
windows tightly shut.
sometimes my head goes numb!
when instead of listening to you
I stare deep into your dark eyes
Hoping you would see my longing
But all I see is my own reflection;
reflected back.
But the more I try to move on,
the more I try to let go
The more I realize
that my head has grown numb;
Completely numb!
cause am in Love with you!

Words in My Head

Funny how life changes
When we met we were strangers
Then we became lovers
We made many promises
But one was never kept
Because we are far apart
Words are in my head
But cannot come out of my mouth
This is the only way I know how
How to say what is in my head
I know we both do not hate each one another
Because we used to date each other
I appreciate every moment we shared
Coz nothing we did was bad
I never told you some few things
Things that would make us
And not break us
Yes – I thought about family too
Yes – I thought about us growing together too
But it was all in my head
And this is the only way I know how
How to say what is in my head
As much as you think I made you
The truth is that You made me
I knew nothing about courtship
Until you invited me to your life
Although we never made it to the altar
The thought of me taking you down the aisle
Will always be embedded in my head
I had thought that someday things would be back to normal
That was just a thought
Because I know normal does not exist in this world
I had thought that someday you would be the mother to my kids
That was also just a thought
Because I am somebody else's father
And you are the mother to somebody else's child
Call me stupid I do not care
These words are all in my head
And this is the only way I know how
How to say what is in my head
It is through this white page with black inscriptions on it
You will always be the love of my life.

Relationship Ownership

Happy New Year Everybody. Hope you are all enjoying the new year so far. Mine is full of weird thoughts and I am thinking of killing these idle moments and the resulting crazy opinions about this monster we call relationship. I am lucky to be one of the (dare I say few) guys who got a girlfriend and a steady one at that though I sometimes derail to sample other guys' women. It is all a circle. Of late I've been doing a lot of thinking on relationship, mine to be precise. The question that keeps coming to my mind is, can someone own a relationship? I don't believe that mine is a mutual understanding though it looks like one. When I do something that looks out of norm I get a mouthful of why I shouldn't have done this and that. If I don't call everynight I'm punished for it when we meet. She is the one who decides when to give head, when to get laid, when to go for a date, basically everything and no, she doesn't want me to move on. Does that mean that this is 'her' relationship and she can do anything that she pleases at my expense? I wonder if it is possible to change ownership of this relationship. Thank God we are not married. Everyone else looks at us and say how good we look as a couple. She acts good in public, she's the loving girlfriend, gives me all the attention (possesiveness) and all that. Now she's even talking marriage and I don't know how to get out of the trap. I am trying to figure out who needs who the most here. In case of argument, I always seem to be the one on the wrong and apologise for her mistakes.New Year resolution is to change ownership of this relationship. I'm ready to fall back in the singles category and start making excuses like this because I think she's faking this relationship by being there coz she thinks I can't be with anyone else. It is better to exit early rather than wait for her to throw me out, giving me the famous, "it's not you, it's me" line. Looking forward to owning a relationship of my own this year or better still, co-owning a relationship. Enough said.